You are currently viewing Adopting Toddlers–Expect the Unexpected

Adopting Toddlers–Expect the Unexpected

Newborns’ behavior, whether through adoption or birth, follows an expected pattern. They cry when they are hungry or tired. They make eye contact as a way to communicate and bond.

Bonding and attachment happen when caregivers consistently respond to infants with love, warmth, and appropriate attention.

Each time a parent reacts to a child’s cues, bonding occurs. If these early cues for attention, love, and care receive inappropriate or little response, what happens to a child?

They become survivors.

They develop skills to help themselves navigate the world. Learning to survive in a world where they must meet many of their own needs produces surprising and unexpected behaviors.

Parents who welcome these survivors into their families must adapt.

Toddlers have a past. Your love is not going to wipe away their history. Just because a toddler can’t remember an event does not mean the event didn’t affect her. Early life experience must be acknowledged.

Each child will come with different backgrounds and different coping mechanisms. You must appreciate the strength your new child has developed as they adapt and survive.

Here are some reoccurring situations we see with children adopted after 18 months.

Overly Affectionate

Often, we see these small children coming into a family and indiscriminately hugging relatives and friends.

These actions can be misread as a sign that the child is ready to attach. In reality, the opposite is probably the case.

When a child has had several caregivers, they learn to endear themselves to the caregiver to survive. This indiscriminate affection may seem charming but is not true intimacy. He may not trust others to meet his needs unless he “performs.” You, as a parent, must continually reinforce that he doesn’t have to “curry favor” to get you to meet his needs.

One of the best ways to garner her trust is by “cocooning” after the child comes to you.

This means spending time with only the immediate family. Just a small group should be the ones meeting his physical needs as well as providing unearned affection.

It would be best if you were not encouraging a newly adopted child’s self-reliance. A child’s independence is not healthy until he has experienced a healthy dependence.

If you can’t limit contact with others, make sure to explain to friends and relatives that you and only you will be the ones providing for your child—holding, feeding, changing, bathing, etc.

Many child experts believe that for attachment to occur in an older adopted child, a child needs a consistent caregiver at home, at least for the first year or two. This means daycare is not the best for a child who now needs care from just parents. Making this sacrifice early on in your relationship with the child will avoid problems later.

An adopted toddler who has not experienced a secure primary attachment will need to develop this trust. Allowing—even encouraging– a child to act younger than his years can go a long way in bonding. You may want to feed a child who is capable of feeding herself or rock her to sleep even if she has learned to self-soothe.

Gregory Keck, Ph.D., founder of the Attachment and Bonding Center of Ohio, suggests that you may want to seek professional counseling if your child continues to show indiscriminate affection.

Night Time

A toddler is just beginning to make sense of his world, and then adoption changes everything. When a child goes home with you, they have to learn a new routine, meet new people. The strangers who are now caring for her are different. She has no way to vocalize fears.

An inability to vocalize fear may be one of the reasons children who seem well-adjusted during the day might scream at night. All the feelings of insecurity may surface at night and disrupt all of your sleeping schedules. This is definitely a time where you can be with your new child and reassure him that you will be there for him.

If these patterns persist for several months, you may need to talk to your pediatrician.

Other adopted toddlers will take themselves to bed and rock themselves to sleep. In your quest to bond, you should create a bedtime ritual in which your child “needs” you. This is a great time to develop routines that involve touch and nurturing. As Mom and Dad, you are the providers of the story, or the drink, or the favorite stuffed animal.

Connecting With Only One Parent

Often, children will develop a stronger connection with one parent. For some children, this is the parent filling a role that hasn’t been filled before. A child who has never had a father figure may gravitate toward the father.

The unfavored parent needs to spend some one-on-one time with the child. This time, especially initially, should not be so lengthy that the child worries about not being reunited with the other parent.

Good Label

Your toddler may not fit society’s definition of “good.” Babies and children receive the “good” label when they are cheerful, loving, and undemanding. Remember having a  difficult child may force you to bond more quickly.

As you raise this child, you need to keep in mind age-appropriate behavior.

Most children have temper tantrums. An adopted child who drops to the floor in the grocery store demanding candy may be showing age-appropriate behavior. Frequent, prolonged rage, which does not respond to comforting, is not normal toddler behavior. Distinguishing between normal behavior and misplaced, learned behavior is essential.

Most young children develop specific food fetishes or will, on occasion, refuse to eat. This is normal. However, gorging or hoarding food is not normal. Refusing to eat for long periods is also a reason for concern.

You must recognize which behaviors should cause concern and which are predictable growth and development.

There are several educational courses here. https://www.adoptionlearningpartners.org/catalog/courses/index.cfm

Fill out the forms necessary to start the adoption process with Heart to Heart Adoptions by going here. 

Tags: , , , ,

This Post Has 145 Comments

  1. vitamin b12 all your faqs answered 5 Feb 2022 Reply

    I discovered your website web site on the search engines and check a couple of your early posts. Continue to keep up the great operate. I additional encourage Feed to my MSN News Reader. Seeking forward to reading much more within you at a later date!…

  34. tinyurl.com 26 Mar 2022 Reply

    I seriously love your site.. Excellent colors &
    theme. Did you make this amazing site yourself?
    Please reply back as I’m hoping to create my own blog and want
    to find out where you got this from or what the theme is named.
    Many thanks!

  35. http://tinyurl.com/ 26 Mar 2022 Reply

    Good answer back in return of this matter with firm arguments and
    telling the whole thing on the topic of that.

  36. http://tinyurl.com/ 26 Mar 2022 Reply

    Hi there, I think your blog might be having internet browser compatibility problems.
    Whenever I look at your website in Safari, it looks fine
    however, when opening in IE, it has some overlapping issues.
    I just wanted to provide you with a quick heads up!
    Apart from that, excellent blog!

  37. http://tinyurl.com/yalp8fp6 26 Mar 2022 Reply

    I would like to thank you for the efforts you have put
    in penning this website. I’m hoping to check out
    the same high-grade blog posts from you later on as well.

    In truth, your creative writing abilities has encouraged me to get my own,
    personal site now 😉

  40. tinyurl.com 27 Mar 2022 Reply

    There is definately a lot to know about this topic.
    I like all the points you made.

  44. tinyurl.com 30 Mar 2022 Reply

    I know this site provides quality based articles and
    other information, is there any other website which presents such information in quality?

  49. how to book cheap flights 2 Apr 2022 Reply

    I am really impressed along with your writing skills and also with the layout for your weblog.
    Is that this a paid subject or did you modify it yourself?
    Either way stay up the nice high quality writing, it’s
    uncommon to look a great blog like this one nowadays..

  51. the cheapest flights 2 Apr 2022 Reply

    Marvelous, what a web site it is! This web site presents
    helpful information to us, keep it up.

  52. best way to book flights 2 Apr 2022 Reply

    Just want to say your article is as astounding.
    The clarity on your put up is just cool and i could think
    you’re a professional on this subject. Well together with
    your permission let me to clutch your RSS feed to keep up to date with
    forthcoming post. Thank you one million and please
    keep up the enjoyable work.

  54. cheap flights now 3 Apr 2022 Reply

    Hmm is anyone else encountering problems with the pictures on this blog loading?
    I’m trying to find out if its a problem on my
    end or if it’s the blog. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

  56. cheapest flight tickets 4 Apr 2022 Reply

    Thanks for finally talking about > Adopting
    Toddlers–Expect the Unexpected – Heart to Heart Adoptions |
    Nationwide Adoption Agency < Loved it!

  59. cheap flight tickets 4 Apr 2022 Reply

    If you want to improve your experience just keep visiting this
    web site and be updated with the latest news posted here.

  63. cheap flight tickets 6 Apr 2022 Reply

    This is really attention-grabbing, You’re an excessively professional blogger.

    I’ve joined your rss feed and look forward to searching for extra of your magnificent post.
    Also, I’ve shared your website in my social networks

  66. gamefly 7 Apr 2022 Reply

    Great weblog here! Additionally your site rather a lot
    up very fast! What web host are you the use of? Can I am getting your affiliate link on your host?

    I desire my site loaded up as quickly as yours lol

  72. gamefly 10 Apr 2022 Reply

    Hello, for all time i used to check blog posts here early
    in the dawn, as i love to find out more and more.

  76. Mylora 12 Apr 2022 Reply

    order isotretinoin without prescription – amoxil uk amoxicillin 1000mg pills

  82. Aid For Ukraine 16 Apr 2022 Reply

    fantastic submit, very informative. I’m wondering why the other experts of this sector do not notice this. You must continue your writing. I am sure, you’ve a huge readers’ base already!

  122. tinyurl.com 9 May 2022 Reply

    We’re a gaggle of volunteers and starting a brand new scheme in our community.
    Your web site provided us with valuable information to work on.
    You’ve performed a formidable task and our whole community will probably be grateful to you.

  125. http://tinyurl.com/ 11 May 2022 Reply

    I’ll immediately clutch your rss as I can’t find your email subscription hyperlink or newsletter service.

    Do you’ve any? Please permit me recognize so that I may just subscribe.
    Thanks.

Leave a Reply to Best Dating Site Cancel reply