Rachel's Journey to NOT Give Her Baby Up for Adoption

"I was terrified many times."

Rachel, a birth mother, laughed quietly as she recounted the terrifying moments she faced over the past year. “How do I give up my baby for adoption?? It was a terrifying question. Don’t stop because of your fear. It may turn out to be the most beautiful thing.”

“I quickly, learned I’m not, ‘Giving my baby up. I’m finding the best plan.’ I was terrified. The plan relieved all the fear.”

Terrifying episodes during the last year include:

Three trips to the emergency room.

“My white blood cell count was on the roof,” Rachel explained. “I had horrible lower back pain. I was shaking and vomiting. They tested my blood. Later we found out that it wasn’t done properly. They said I had a blood infection brought on by a kidney infection. I kept being readmitted. Put me on an IV drip because they had no idea why I was so sick.”

Not knowing why, she was sick was terrifying. Hearing, “You’re pregnant,” was also terrifying. “Five months pregnant. How did the medical team miss that? How did I miss that? How could it have happened?”

Deciding what to do with an unexpected pergnancy.

“This was not the right time for either of us,” Rachel explained. “We were so surprised. It’s silly to say that, five months pregnant, and I didn’t know, but that’s how it was, and both of us knew we couldn’t raise a child. In our state, abortion is an option, but we didn’t want that. We talked about adoption. I was nervous about

Changing adoption agencies mid-stream

“We started with one agency. They seemed great,” Rachel said. “But something was off. We got a weird feeling. So, we decided to change company. The first company felt like a puppy mill. Just get my baby out and then on to the next. I thought, ‘No,’ I can’t do this. But I was so nervous about changing companies midstream. I was frightened. What if something happened and we couldn’t find our baby a family? The right family. We found Heart to Heart and felt so much better. Lucy was so attentive. It was such a big difference between the two companies.”

Having the family you choose walk away.

On paper, they seemed perfect for our baby,” Rachel said. “They were family-oriented and everything we thought we wanted. We spoke on the phone, and everything seemed good. A week before my due date, they backed out. I was stressed. I was heartbroken. Lucy calmed us down. Sent us more profiles.

“And then we found the perfect family. They live near my sister. We were close from the first conversation. We told them we hoped they were ready because she is yours 100 percent.”

Induced a week early due to high blood pressure.

“I texted Donna and Lucy from Heart to Heart to say I was being induced,” Rachel said. “The baby would be here within 24 hours. Our adoptive family was in the car and driving. Everything happened so quickly.”

Something not terrifying

“Once I met them and saw them with her, I knew at that exact moment that was where she belonged. She was made for them,” the birth mother said. “I think I would tell others that it is okay to be afraid because I was petrified. But don’t stop because of your fear. We get pictures of our little girl every month. Her parents love her. This terrifying event has turned out to be the most beautiful thing.”

Both families use Our Hearts Connect to stay in touch. They send messages, pictures, and videos.