You are currently viewing Bonding With An Adopted Child

Bonding With An Adopted Child

toddler-1258934_960_720 (2)“Don’t you feel like you are always babysitting?” Rosemary asked as she more securely bundled up the child she gave birth to six months ago.  “I get so tired with just my own. I can’t imagine always having another one.”

The two of us were enjoying the first spring days at a local park. The 18-month-old I had not given birth to was sitting in the gravel under a set of monkey bars. He would pick up a handful of small rocks and try to throw them. They traveled as far as his boney knee then fell. With the type of limber movements only found in toddlers, he leaned over and licked the small rocks from his brown skin.

I was making yucky, yucky noises while digging pebbles from between his lips, when Rosemary address the issue of caring for an adopted child.

My companion, a prolific mother, can’t imagine bonding with children other than those she produced.

At some time during the adoption process most adoptive parents wonder about bonding. Whether this concerns starts during the home study or while defending your adoption choice to an aunt who is a strong believer in the apple not falling far from the tree and, “We certainly don’t know what kind of tree this child comes from.”

Those who easily produce children and have never considered adoption don’t understand that bonding is not about biology, but is a mental process.

Bonding occurs with time and contact. The feeling that you are “babysitting” an adoptive child is very rare. The ties between adopting parents and adopted children are as strong as the ties between biological children and biological parents.

The following steps will help strengthen your attachment with a baby, whether you gave birth to the child or whether you adopted the child.

  • Feed the child based on his cues. Don’t just try to feed when this is convenient for you. Don’t remove food before the infant is finished eating. Develop trust.
  • Physical contact. Even if the child stiffens or arches away, show affection. Touch, cuddle, kiss.
  • Picking up a crying child does not reinforce crying. This is a cue. Bonding occurs when you follow those cues.
  • Sing, talk, and recite nursery rhymes. Echo the child’s noises.
  • Play with the baby. Find what the infant enjoys and then repeat.
  • Make eye contact.
  • Recognize hypersensitivity to stress or noise or light and protect a child from too much stress. Some children can only afford one stimulus at a time, either sound or touch or vision.

Mostly don’t worry about doing everything right. Take time to get to know each other. You have a lifetime. This isn’t a babysitting job where the child leaves at five.

This Post Has 69 Comments

  1. 444511 849862I always pay a visit to your blog and retrieve everything you post here but I never commented but today when I saw this post, I couldnt stop myself from commenting here. Amazing write-up mate! 131497

  2. buy cvv online

    854273 443849I conceive this web internet site holds some real superb info for every person : D. 323400

  3. best penlight

    There are a few interesting points in time in this posting but I do not determine if I see these people center to heart. There may be some validity but Let me take hold opinion until I take a look at it further. Very good write-up , thanks and we want much more! Included in FeedBurner likewise

  4. 647425 438812Greatest fighter toasts ought to entertain and supply prize on your couples. Initially audio system next to obnoxious crowd would be wise to realize 1 specific gold colored strategy as to public speaking, which is individual interests self. very best man jokes 462830

  5. Onita Mayland

    I would like to thank you for the efforts you’ve put in writing this web site. I am hoping the same high-grade web site post from you in the upcoming as well. Actually your creative writing abilities has inspired me to get my own blog now. Really the blogging is spreading its wings quickly. Your write up is a great example of it.

  6. If some one wants expert view about blogging and site-building afterward i suggest him/her to pay a visit
    this webpage, Keep up the nice job.

  7. nova88

    967712 819977hi was just seeing in case you minded a comment. i like your website and the thme you picked is awesome. I is going to be back. 914553


    Hello there! Do you use Twitter? I’d like to follow you if that would be okay.
    I’m absolutely enjoying your blog and look forward to new posts.

  9. Hello there! I know this is kind of off topic but I was wondering which blog platform are you using for this website?
    I’m getting fed up of WordPress because I’ve had problems with hackers and I’m looking at options for
    another platform. I would be great if you could point me in the direction of a good

  10. ticket flight

    Good day! I know this is kind of off topic but I was wondering
    if you knew where I could find a captcha plugin for my comment form?
    I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m having problems finding one?
    Thanks a lot!

  11. air ticket

    Hello there! I could have sworn I’ve been to this
    blog before but after checking through some of the post I
    realized it’s new to me. Nonetheless, I’m definitely delighted I found it and I’ll
    be book-marking and checking back frequently!

  12. Wow, awesome blog layout! How long have you been blogging for?
    you made blogging look easy. The overall look of your website is fantastic, as well as the

  13. I have been browsing online more than 2 hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours.
    It is pretty worth enough for me. In my opinion, if all
    website owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the net will be a lot more useful than ever before.

  14. Howdy just wanted to give you a quick heads up. The words in your post seem to be running
    off the screen in Internet explorer. I’m not sure if
    this is a formatting issue or something to do with
    web browser compatibility but I thought I’d post to let you know.
    The style and design look great though! Hope you get the
    issue resolved soon. Thanks

  15. gamefly

    Thank you for the good writeup. It in fact was
    a amusement account it. Look advanced to far added agreeable from
    you! However, how could we communicate?

  16. gamefly

    This is really interesting, You’re a very
    skilled blogger. I have joined your rss feed and look forward to seeking more of your
    magnificent post. Also, I have shared your site in my social

  17. 솔루션제작

    526010 4138Register a domain, search for available domains, renew and transfer domains, and select from a wide variety of domain extensions. 756739

  18. MonteKer

    [url=]reasons for ed[/url]


    Today, I went to the beach with my kids. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She placed the shell to her ear and screamed.
    There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear.
    She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is
    entirely off topic but I had to tell someone!


    It’s remarkable for me to have a site, which is helpful for my knowledge.
    thanks admin

Leave a Reply