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First Conversation With a Potential Birth Mother Match

How do you prepare to talk to a woman considering adoption?

The pregnant woman is fidgeting in a chair, trying to get comfortable with the weight of a developing child.

You, as a potential adoptive parent, care about her. You care about her feelings. You want her to be supported. You want her to feel loved. You want her to know of your love.

“We had never had a birth mother want to talk to us before,” Monica said. “That is the most stressful conversation ever. How do you prepare for it? I’m in a Bible study group. I emailed my girls and told them I really need you to pray over a phone call I have on Friday.”

Friday came. Monica and Mike discussed what they should say.

“The funny thing is,” Monica said. “The minute we started talking, there was a connection.”

The birth mother’s opening remarks were, “Hi. How are you? I’m so nervous.”

“We forgot how nervous she might be,” Monica said. “We hit it off right away. Later she told us that she knew instantly that we were the family for our sweet baby. We just clicked.”

“When I looked at your book, I just knew,” The pregnant woman said. She also explained how the unborn child rolled and kicked in vitro as her parents’ voices rose above her on speaker phone. “I have this overwhelming feeling that she hears her mom and dad.”

The conversation lasted over thirty minutes.

“We asked her what she was craving,” Monica said.

“I have a weird craving,” was the reply. “I crave rainbow sherbet ice cream.”

Monica laughs when she tells the story. “That Friday was our middle son’s birthday. His favorite ice cream is rainbow sherbet. There was a rainbow sherbet ice cream cake in our freezer.”

“My birthday is tomorrow,” the birth mother said.

Of course, Monica offered to send her a cake—a rainbow sherbet ice cream cake.

Before the scheduled c-section, the parents met.

“Our experience in Salt Lake City was nothing shy of a slice of heaven,” Monica said. “We talked and laughed and had a great time. One of the greatest honors in my life was being in the room during the c-section. This is a moment from God. This is what heaven is.”

Monica laughed a little. “Because of COVID, there were limits to how many could be in surgery. My husband was secretly relieved that he didn’t have to look the other way. But for Alexis* and me, it felt like a special time I will cherish forever. She and I got to hear the baby’s first cry, see her face, and hold her together. We are both part of the story. The story which will go on together for years.”

For three days, the parents—adoptive and birth parents—cared for the baby, laughed, and ate together.

Monica held back tears as she talked about her love for this strong woman. A woman who had experienced a traumatic C-section three years earlier.

“I was so concerned for her,” Monica said. “I wanted her to be okay. She was so amazing. We were in awe of her. I don’t think that at her age and in her situation, I could have been in the same head space she was in. I am so impressed.”

Both women heard the baby’s first cry. Both women cared for the little girl. They left the hospital together.

“This isn’t the end of our relationships,” Monica told the beautiful woman as the two of them hugged goodbye. “This is only the beginning.”

Read this post for an explanation of how open adoption can be lovingly established.

Read this post to see how the big brothers responded to the adoption. 

*name changed