“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”
One of our favorite quotes and boy is it true!
We always knew that we wanted to be parents. We began our family in 2005 when we delivered our first son William. Getting pregnant was easy, carrying him for 9 months wasn’t! I started having difficulties with the pregnancy at 5 months with pre-term labor. This continued for the remainder of the pregnancy resulting in bed rest and a 3 week early delivery. Once William was in our arms everything was perfect until I found out that I had a blood clot. Once we got that under control and William was 4 months old I found out that I was pregnant again! We welcomed another baby boy and an even more difficult pregnancy, resulting in an early delivery and a tubal ligation. Knowing that we could not have anymore children naturally did not concern us at all, we knew that adoption was the path we were meant to take and we did. We made the decision to begin the process in the summer of 08. We spent lots of time trying to learn everything we could about adoption. Our journey was a unique one and looking back on it now I would do it ten times over for the final result.
Our first match was in March of 2009. We were matched with a woman delivering a baby girl in Louisiana. A few weeks before the delivery date the woman and her attorney stopped all communication with Heart to Heart so we knew at that point it was a failed match. A failed match is never easy, we were disappointed but were so hopeful that another match would soon follow.
Our second match was in April of 2009. This woman was delivering her baby in Tennessee. We found out on Easter Sunday that she had gone into labor and we needed to get our travel plans in place. We left the next day to drive to Tennessee. Arriving in Tennessee we immediately went to the hospital and met Debi. The birth mother was not ready to make any decisions when we arrived and was not ready to meet us. We went to dinner with Debi and waited. Around 11pm that night Debi called to let us know that the birth mother had changed her mind. This situation was harder to take. We had traveled and were so close to meeting our baby girl. But like before we knew that another situation would arise and that our baby girl was out there somewhere.
Our third match was in May of 2009. This situation was going to be an open adoption. We developed a relationship with our birth mother. We spoke weekly and shared photos. She would update us on her doc appts and shared sonogram photos. We ended up getting an induction date. We made our travel plans and counted down the days! We left for Tennessee on July 23, 2009. Once in Tennessee we met our birth mom, spent time with her family, and took her to dinner. We absolutely loved our birth mom and wanted to be there to support her in every way we could. We drove her to the hospital and helped get her settled that evening before leaving for the night. We returned the next morning and waited along side of her while the contractions continued to worsen. Around lunch time she was ready to push, I stayed in the room with her along with Rachel- our adoption coordinator. I was given the privilege to watch a beautiful baby girl come into this world and I was entrusted with cutting the umbilical cord. This I will never forget for the rest of my life. The hospital was so nice and gave us a hospital room of our own. We kept the baby for the first night and into the next morning. At 12pm our birth mother was supposed to come in and meet with Rachel to sign. She arrived and shortly after a notary came in to let us know she had changed her mind. Our world came crashing down. I fell to the floor, began crying, and Rachel ran out of the room to try to go speak to the birth mother. I couldn’t get out of that hospital faster. I looked at Rachel and said, “I cant do this anymore, I am broken.” We stood in the parking lot of the hospital and sobbed on each others shoulder. I probably could have stood their with her for hours. We returned home- I literally threw our suitcase in the babies room and closed the door. I didn’t want to see the room at all.
That was by far one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. I had lost faith at this point, I didn’t think I could continue. But as before we continued to tell ourselves that our baby girl is out there. This wasn’t our baby girl.
On October 1, 2009 we received a call from Debi that a baby had been born premature in Arizona and the birth parents were ready to sign. Heart to Heart didn’t want us to plan any travel until the parents had signed. On October 2 the birth parents signed and we were on a plane to Arizona that next day to meet our baby girl. This is why we had 3 failed matches. Reagan was waiting for us in Arizona. While sitting in the NICU with Reagan- Debi, Rachel, and Kim walked in to surprise us. I started to cry. This was exactly why Heart to Heart was the best decision we had ever made. Each of these women took this journey with us and they had found us our princess. We believe these women had a calling in life and that was to help bring families together and to help support those incredible birth parents. They always knew what to say during the difficult times and the happy times. We will spend the rest of our lives with a great deal of gratitude toward Heart to Heart especially when we walk into our baby girl’s room every morning and see her smiling back at us.
Most adoption stories are not like this, ours is unique but as I have told many other adoptive parents no matter the road it is worth every bump, turn, and traffic jam.