Garrett was placed in a closed adoption. His birth mother was 14 years old and not mature enough or comfortable with making connections with adoptive parents.
When Garrett was 18 years old, he had his DNA tested, not necessarily to find his biological family, as much as he was curious about his exact heritage–Irish 30 percent, Nigerian, Cameroon, and Equi Guinea 60 percent with a few nationalities mixed in.
How A Closed Adoption May Not Always Be A Secret
A year after sending in his DNA, Garrett received a phone call from someone claiming to be his cousin. 
(Interesting side note: the man worked on the American celebrity news website TMZ.)
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Garrett called his adoptive mother, and she reminded him of information in his closed adoption paperwork –things like his birth parent’s ages, his birth grandparents’ education, and occupations–that could help authenticate the connection.
And within 24 hours, Garrett was talking to his birth father on the phone. It was a shock for everyone. More so for the birth mother. She took a few months before she was willing to meet.
Garrett keeps in touch with cousins and his paternal grandmother on Facebook and other social media. Luckily, their relationship is healthy.
How Does a Closed Adoption Open Up?
Even if a birth mother has requested a closed adoption and never takes a DNA test herself, the chances of her family members taking a DNA test are very high.
In today’s world, the idea of a fully closed adoption—where no one knows anything about the other party—might not be realistic.
DNA tests are cheap and easy to get. Social media easily finds connections that weren’t even conceivable a decade ago.
Keeping an adoption closed while the baby is small is easy. Recognize, that secret might not last forever. Eventually, the child will want to understand their roots. Eventually, like in Garrett’s case, a relative they’ve never met could reach out. This means that a closed adoption might not stay closed forever.
However, just because a fully secret closed adoption is hard to keep doesn’t mean a birth mother has to be actively involved if she’s not comfortable with the openness.
Until DNA introduced Garrett to his birth mother again, this was the last time he saw his birth mother, or the last time she saw him. They have enjoyed a relationship and he has had several questions answered. Interestingly enough, Garrett is closer to aunts and cousins that he has met online. They keep one another abreast of life changes. A lot to consider when determining if you want a closed adoption or an open adoption. The good news is that there are so many options in how you communicate–such as computer apps such as Our Hearts Connect. Contact Heart to Heart Adoptions and we will explain to you the varying degrees of openness.
These two locations, give more information about the differences between open adoption and closed adoption.
Why an Open Adoption Could Be A Good Choice for Everyone
Open adoption offers flexibility for the birth mother. She can decide how much or how little she wants to stay connected. She can watch her child grow up through videos, pictures, and messages on a monitored computer app and closely guard what is shared. A birth mother can also suggest occasional visits or phone calls. These provisions are something that we at Heart to Heart Adoptions can help everyone agree on.
So, when considering open adoption vs. closed adoption, it’s important to remember that a completely secret adoption is pretty much impossible these days. Kids are curious, and with all the technology available, they will eventually discover where they come from.
But that doesn’t mean a birth mother has to be heavily involved if she doesn’t want to be. Open adoption allows for flexibility, letting each person choose what level of contact feels right for them. Some options can make everyone comfortable, whether that’s watching from afar through pictures or being more involved with visits.
