Will I Regret Choosing Adoption?

Honest Answers from Real Birth Mothers

"Will I regret this for the rest of my life?"

This might be one of the biggest fear you have about choosing adoption. We aren’t going to just give you reassuring words. This question deserves an honest answer.

The truth is: every birth mother’s experience is different. No one else’s situation is exactly like yours.

Will I have regrets

What Birth Mothers Really Say The Complex Truth About Regret

Sarah, 5 years after placement: “Do I regret placing my baby for adoption? That’s complicated. I feel sad sometimes, especially on his birthday. But I don’t regret giving him the life he has. I see his pictures – he’s in soccer, piano lessons, has his own room. I couldn’t have given him that.”

will i have regrets

Maria, 2 years after placement: “I miss her. I think about her.  But regret? No. I made the choice with love, and I can see she’s thriving. I think I would have had more regrets about life if I would have tried to raise her. Her parents send me videos of her first words, first steps. I tell them about my job and the new apartment. We’re still part of each other’s story.”

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Will i regret

Jessica, 10 years after placement: “i asked myself more than once, “Will I regret placicng my baby for adoption? The grief was harder than I expected. But I don’t regret my choice. I finished college, started my career. Now I have two other kids that I can provide for and we have been to visit their older sister. We went swimming together and we are on contact on an app, Our Hearts connect that all the kids get on. My first daughter has a mom who could be there for her when I couldn’t.”

will i regret

Will I Regret Choosing Adoption? What Makes Regret More Likely?

Research shows birth mothers are more likely to have regrets when:

  • They felt pressured into the decision.
  • They had a closed adoption with no contact.
  • They didn’t get proper counseling and support.
  • The adoptive family doesn’t honor their agreements.

They weren’t given accurate information about their options.

What Helps Birth Mothers Feel Good About Their Choice?

  • Having control over the decision (not being pressured).
  • Choosing an open adoption with ongoing contact.
  • Good counseling before and after placement.
  • Seeing their child thrive and be happy.
  • Having supportive people in their lives.
  • Understanding this was the right choice at that time.

Common Questions About Regret

What's the difference between regret and grief?

Regret means wishing you had made a different choice.

Grief means feeling sad about loss, even when you know you made the right choice.

Most birth mothers experience grief – missing their child, feeling sad on important days. This is normal and healthy. It doesn’t mean they regret their choice.

Lisa explains: “I grieve that I couldn’t raise her myself. But I don’t regret placing her with parents who could give her everything I wanted her to have.”

Will i regret

Will the sadness ever go away

The intense sadness usually gets easier over time, especially with:

  • Good support and counseling.
  • Contact with your child through open adoption.
  • Seeing your child happy and thriving.
  • Having other positive things in your life.

Amy, 7 years later: “The sharp pain became a gentle ache. I’ll always have a place in my heart that misses him, but it doesn’t control my life. And when I see him happy, I feel proud.”

Will I regret

What if I change my mind later and want him back?"

Once an adoption is finalized, it’s permanent. This is why it’s so important to:

  • Take time making your decision.
  • Get good counseling.
  • Feel sure about your choice before signing final papers.
  • Choose open adoption so you stay connected.

Important: You typically have some time after birth to change your mind before the adoption is final. Laws vary by state.

What if the adoptive parents don't keep their promises?"

This is why choosing the right family and having clear agreements is so important. Good adoption agencies help:

  • Screen families carefully
  • Create clear communication agreements
  • Provide mediation if problems arise
  • Offer ongoing support for relationships

Heart to Heart Adoptions has supported hundreds of birth mothers through their adoption journeys. We believe every woman deserves honest information, genuine support, and respect for her decision – whatever that decision may be.