To Every Birth Mother Who Feels Guilty: An Adoptee's Letter of Love
If you found this page searching “does my child resent being placed for adoption” or “birth mother guilt” — you’re not alone. Thousands of birth mothers carry that weight quietly. Sadie was adopted, and she has something she wants to say to you.
Dear Birth Mothers,
I was adopted.
The woman who gave birth to me held me for three days, introduced me to her family, used adhesive to put a pink bow in my hair, and then handed me to a social worker.
Within a few hours, my adoptive parents straightened the bow and started taking their own set of pictures.
Do I resent being part of this process — carried to term by one woman, raised by another?
No.
Not at all.
The first mother helped me find a home where I would have opportunities. Twenty years later, the second mother helped me find my biological family. I know them all. How wonderful to know so many people in the world. And how amazing is it to have so many connections with other people?
The Part No One Tells Birth Mothers
I want to talk to birth mothers — especially you birth mothers who feel guilty.
Stop.
It's okay.
Yes, there are things about being adopted that are hard. But there are things about adoption that are pretty great, too.
I read a blog written by a birth mother where she begins by apologizing to a child she placed for adoption. The blog begins: “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry you’re struggling. I’m sorry for your pain. I’m sorry if I caused it, even inadvertently. I’m sorry life is so rough.”
I appreciate a mother who is concerned for her child.
But please, birth mothers — for most of us adopted children, life isn’t that rough.
Being Placed for Adoption Didn't Break Me
I'm happy.
I gained strength from the rough parts.
I’m glad that I have so many different components that make up who I am.
I have learned to love so many people.
I’m 25 years old, and I am really grateful for the life I’ve lived.
What I Wish Every Birth Mother Heard
I’m even more grateful that my birth mother was open to having a relationship with me when I was ready.
Birth mothers, I recognize what strong, incredible people you are for going through a pregnancy and giving birth to a kid like me.
Thanks.
I love you.
— Sadie
Open Adoption Made Me Richer, Not Broken
Sadie’s story isn’t unusual. Many adoptees find that knowing their birth family — even in small ways, even years later — adds to who they are rather than complicating it. Open adoption, when it’s handled with care, gives adoptees a fuller picture of themselves and gives birth mothers the peace of knowing their child is genuinely okay.
If you’re a birth mother reading this and carrying guilt, we want you to know: your child’s story isn’t finished, and neither is yours.
At Heart to Heart Adoptions, we walk alongside birth mothers from the very first conversation — no pressure, no judgment, just honest support. If you’re considering adoption or simply need someone to talk to, we’re here.
To watch a podcast about a woman with a similar experience, go to Voice of Adoptions.
