Sayoko Series — Part 1 of 3
When a Birth Mother Has Second Thoughts: A Florida Adoption Story
Sayoko was at the airport when the call came: the birth mother was having second thoughts. What an adoptive mother does when an adoption falls apart and why she bought another ticket anyway. A real Florida open adoption story.
What does an adoptive mother do when the birth mother changes her mind?
Adrenaline energized Sayoko as she maneuvered her hastily packed carry-on through the security line at New York’s JFK airport.
“We’d planned on driving down to Florida and meeting with the birth mother a day before she gave birth,” Sayoko said. “All that went out the window when the baby was unexpectedly born at home and then taken to the hospital to be examined.”
Hurrying to meet the newborn child, Sayoko booked the earliest flight to Orlando. Her husband and five-year-old would follow as soon as they had boarded the dog.
The security official cleared Sayoko’s ID, and the excited woman was hefting her bag onto the conveyor belt when the call came. Sayoko stood still. The line behind her stalled. Travelers shuffled impatiently as Sayoko tried to process information from the phone call.
She turned around at the security line. What had the adoption agency said
Sayoko retrieved her bag and turned back to the airport employee who had just waved her through.
“I didn’t know what to say. I had to tell her I wasn’t going to board. I had to tell her what was going on. She was kind. She immediately said, ‘Of course, you can leave the line. We will open the door to let you out.’”
Discouraged and less energized, Sayoko hoisted her carry-on bag back onto her shoulder and started down the long corridor toward the exit.
The call that turned Sayoko around was from Darla at Heart to Heart Adoptions and a social worker working with that birth mother. After giving birth at home, the woman was transported to the Orlando hospital and was having second thoughts about placing her baby for adoption.
“Maybe now’s not the best time to come,” was the message Sayoko received.
“Fortunately, I hadn’t checked any bags,” Sayoko said. “That’s the one good thing that happened that day.”
The adoptive family was told to keep their hearts open. The birth mother hadn’t made any definitive decisions. She was overwhelmed mentally, physically, and emotionally by the older children she was raising. “Give her time.”
“The next day, we didn’t hear anything,” Sayoko explained. “It was a long day, and the fact we didn’t hear anything meant no one had been in to see Vera.* After another day, we felt the child would not come to her home.”
What is a disrupted adoption, and what does it feel like?
Sayoko and her husband knew the pain of a disrupted adoption.
“We had a baby in our homes for six weeks,” Sayoko said. “placed through a different agency, not Heart to Heart, and in that state, the laws allowed the birth mother to change her mind up to a certain time. That was hard.”
Sayoko spent time with her five-year-old son, a little special needs child they had adopted as an infant. The bond Sayoko felt for the birth mother of her older child helped her empathize with birth mothers.
“I knew that my happiest day would be her (birth mother’s) hardest day,” Sayoko said. “It is hard to be really overjoyed and happy when you see her struggle.”
What kept them going while they waited for an answer?
As Sayoko and her husband waited for a definitive answer on their adoption, they felt for the birth mother.
Little did they know that they would meet a man adopted 84 years earlier who would help them. Read here about the unexpected story of an adoptee who found peace by giving Sayoko support.
*name changed
In-Depth Guide
Can a birth mother change her mind about adoption before the baby is placed?
Yes. At any point before consent is signed. A birth mother in Florida cannot sign legal consent until at least 48 hours after birth. Until that moment, she can change her mind about the adoption, the agency, the family, or the plan for any reason. Heart to Heart supports birth mothers through this process without pressure toward any particular decision.
What is an adoption disruption?
An adoption disruption is when a planned adoption does not proceed. This typically happens because the birth mother decides to parent. Disruptions are painful for adoptive families, but they are also the birth mother exercising a legal right she is entitled to.
What should an adoptive family do when a birth mother has second thoughts?
Give her space and time. The decision belongs to her. What Sayoko modeled in this story was genuine empathy for the birth mother’s difficulty, patience without pressure, and openness to whatever outcome was right. this is what Heart to Heart Adoptions coaches all families to do. Recently, we had a family travel thousands of miles because a birth mother had chosen them. She changed her mind. The family went to Costco and bough diapers, wet wipes, food, formula, and several cases of canned goods which they left with the new mother. They showed her love even though she had changed her mind. We aren’t suggesting that every family has the resources to do this, but they did and they were incredible human beings.
How does Heart to Heart support adoptive families during an uncertain match?
A dedicated case manager stays in close contact with both the birth mother and the adoptive family throughout uncertain periods. Heart to Heart communicates honestly about what is known and what is not, helps manage logistics, and provides emotional support to both parties.
What is open adoption and what does it look like in practice?
Open adoption means the birth mother and adoptive family agree to some form of ongoing contact after placement. In Sayoko’s case, she and the birth mother began messaging each other nearly daily through OurHeartsConnect after placement.
What is OurHeartsConnect?
OurHeartsConnect is a private computer app that Heart to Heart Adoptions uses to help birth mothers and adoptive families stay connected after placement. It allows both parties to share messages, photos, and updates safely and privately.
Is it normal for an adoptive family to feel emotional during the waiting period?
Yes. Waiting for a birth mother’s decision is one of the most emotionally intense experiences in the adoption process. Heart to Heart counselors support adoptive families through these periods with honest communication and consistent contact.
We're Here for You
Whether you're just starting to explore or ready to talk, our compassionate team is here to listen and support you—without pressure or judgment.
You don't have to do this alone.
We're here to walk beside you—every step of the way.
Call or Text Anytime
801-563-1000
Reviewed by licensed adoption professionals at Heart to Heart Adoptions.
Wendy Knowles, Birth Parent Support Specialist
Michelle Barrus, Birth Parent Support Specialist
Jodi Grizzle, LCSW
Last Reviewed:
