She Didn't Want the Birth Mother to Feel Manipulated — This Is What Ethical Adoption Looks Like
What Does Ethical Adoption Actually Mean for a Birth Mother?
Jessica lied to her mother and the rest of her family. She had been hiding her pregnancy, and instead of coming clean, she took her four-year-old and two-year-old sons and left, telling her family she was going to school. She planned to place the baby before anyone even knew of his existence.
Wendi met Jessica through a Heart to Heart caseworker. The two women immediately felt a connection.
“We talked for hours that first night,” Wendi explained. “There was definitely a kinship, a relationship.”
When Choosing Adoption, You Deserve Honesty Not Pressure
Two competing thoughts kept haunting Wendi: Jessica could easily change her mind, and Jessica needed to tell her mother and make sure the birth father was agreeable to placement.
Wendi recognized these concerns were incompatible. Telling the baby’s biological grandmother might increase the likelihood that Jessica would decide to parent. But Wendi also knew the truth had to come out.
“I didn’t want there to be lies and dishonesty,” Wendi said.
To ensure there was no deception, Wendi bought an airline ticket for Jessica’s mother to fly across the country and spend a week with Jessica and Wendi’s extended family. Wendi and Jessica’s mother went to the hospital when the baby was born.
“I left them together with Jayden,” Wendi said of the night after the birth. “That was the worse night. I knew her mother would talk her out of placing the baby. But I knew this was the right way. I didn’t want her ever to feel coerced or manipulated.”
Jessica and her mother flew home and left Jayden with Wendi. They speak regularly. The two older boys and Jayden exchange pictures.
Wendi feels the relationship has remained close because “Everything I told Jessica I would do. I didn’t blow her off.”
When Choosing Adoption, You Deserve Honesty Not Pressure
Wendi’s instinct to bring Jessica’s family in rather than keep them out is exactly what Heart to Heart trains and encourages every adoptive family to do. We believe that ethical adoption means no hidden agendas, no pressure, and no shortcuts around the hard conversations.
We teach our adoptive families to do everything they say they will do. We teach them to love the birth family openly and to treat honesty as non-negotiable, even when honesty feels risky.
This does not mean we are naive. There are scams out there, and we work to protect adoptive families from being victimized. But our first commitment is always to you — the birth mother — and to making sure that whatever you decide, you decide freely, with full information and with people around you who love you.
If you are wondering whether adoption is right for you, we want you to know: at Heart to Heart, no one will pressure you. No one will hide things from you. And we will go the extra mile to make sure you never look back with regret.
