FLORIDA ADOPTION AGENCY — Sayoko Series — Part 3 of 3 — HEART TO HEART ADOPTIONS
What an 84-Year-Old Veteran Taught a Waiting Family About Being Chosen
Chief, an 84-year-old adoptee, walked into Sayoko’s home and changed how he thought about his own adoption as an infant. A real Florida open adoption story about what it means to have been chosen.
Chief saw 23 years of active duty.
He toured 39 countries.
His travels included safaris in Africa and law enforcement duties in Ukraine and Moscow.
He was assigned bases throughout the middle east, including four years in Guam.
He was a police officer in New Jersey and carried mail for the post office in downtown San Francisco.
He worked on construction crews at Disney World in Florida.
- How did going with his wife, a Florida Notary Republic, help him understand his own adoption?
An 84-year-old adoptee walks into a tiny apartment in a low rent Florida city and sees his own story
After all these experiences, the 84-year-old found himself seated on the floor of an empty living room, cradling a delicate newborn. The overwhelming magnitude of that moment left him grappling for words to convey the depth of his emotions.
“The baby was so tiny,” Chief said. “She was the length of my hand, the tip of my fingers to my wrist. Laid in the cradle of my arm.” Chief’s voice choked as he spoke. “The experience was beyond what I can tell you on the phone.”
What does and adoptee say holding and adopted child?
The experience had started more than 24 hours earlier when Chief had accompanied his notary public wife to notarize adoption papers.
The first day, Chief and Lydia met the potential adoptive mother. Sayoko. The husband and wife notary sat with Sharyn from Heart to Heart Adoptions for several hours, waiting for the birth mother. She never came.
Chief watched the potential adoptive mother. He heard her speak of her love for another birth mother who had placed a child with her and her husband. Chief felt her anxiety.
Watching Sayoko helped him understand his own birth mother
Through a phone call, the birth mother swore she was still planning to place her child for adoption, and she would come the next day..
For five hours, Chief watched Sayoko.
“I realized what my mother must have gone through,” Chief said and then explained that he was adopted at three months old “by a couple that made my life so wonderful, I can’t find the right words. Watching Sayoko put me in touch with what I never knew about my placement. How two women loved me, but especially how much my mother, the woman who raised me, loved me. The emotional ups and downs I witnessed with the adopting mother made me understand my life better.”
“We walked into the apartment. There was a TV on the floor in the corner—no other furniture. The only place for my wife to sign papers was the kitchen counter,” Chief said. “Something clicked with the birth mother and me. When I said, ‘May I hold the child?’ She said, ‘Yes, I would love that.’ I sat on the floor and held the little girl. A lot of paper went from hand to hand and back and forth. I just held her. It was a very moving experience.”
Chief was impressed with how easily and quickly the adoptive and birth mothers bonded.
“They texted that night, and then we all met the next morning again. On the last day, the last hour, we met the husband and their little boy. We’re already talking about going to see them. This incident made me reflect on what my adoption must have been like. This incident put a lot of things to rest in my life.”
If you missed Sayoko’s story, read them here.
Questions About this Florida Open Adoption
What does open adoption look like day-to-day?
In Sayoko’s case, she and the birth mother message each other nearly every day through OurHeartsConnect. Open adoption contact varies widely. In this case, the women send messages almost daily at first. Even today after a few years, the are weekly in contact talking about the child they both love.
Can a birth mother change her mind and still have an open adoption?
Yes. In this particular situation, the birth mother was uneasy with her decision. She knew adoption was the best for her baby, but it wasn’t until she met personally with the adoptive mother, that she finally felt peace. That peace has been sustainable. The two of them enjoy their relationship. The decision to place and the decision to maintain contact are separate. Heart to Heart supports both decisions without pressure.
What is OurHeartsConnect?
OurHeartsConnect is a computer app that allows you to message in a private manner. It is not social media. The only people that can use your app have to be added to your group. This computer app allows you to get photos, message, videos in a secure manner. Another great advantage of using OurHeartsConnect is that you can take all the messages, picture or just choose the ones you want and create a book. Your child will be able to see this book that has pictures of them as well as pictures of their birth mothers.
How does Heart to Heart support the birth mother through second thoughts?
All women, women who appear certain of their decision and women who are wondering if they are making the right decision, are not pressured. We believe that they should be given the space and time they need to make a decisions. We always want women to be given the space to make a decision that they can live with.
What happens if a birth mother and adoptive mother form a real relationship?
It happens. Heart to Heart actively supports this. The relationship between a birth mother and adoptive mother can be one of the most meaningful things that comes from an open adoption. this is meaningful for the adoptive mother, the birth mother and the child who will grow up knowing that both of them love them.
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Whether you're just starting to explore or ready to talk, our compassionate team is here to listen and support you—without pressure or judgment.
You don't have to do this alone.
We're here to walk beside you—every step of the way.
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Reviewed by licensed adoption professionals at Heart to Heart Adoptions.
Wendy Knowles, Birth Parent Support Specialist
Michelle Barrus, Birth Parent Support Specialist
Jodi Grizzle, LCSW
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