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Adoption Questions in Utah: Honest Answers for Birth Mothers
If you are pregnant, feel continuing the pregnancy is the right decision, but aren’t sure you are in a position to raise this baby, you probably have a lot of questions. We’ll try to answer them. We’ll also try to give you more information about your options so you can make a decision that you will feel comfortable with. Not just comfortable for today, but you’ll feel good about this decision next year, five years from now and in twenty years.
What Does "Placing a Baby for Adoption" Actually Mean?
“Placing my baby for adoption,” is not the same thing as “giving up my baby for adoption.” Placing a child means making a plan for your child that involves the child being raised by another family. You choose that family. You choose how much contact you want to have after placement. You decide what the hospital experience looks like. The word “placing” is used instead of “giving up” because you are not giving anything up. You are making a plan that comes from love.
Adoption does not mean you stop caring. It does not mean you will forget. It means you found a way to make sure your baby has what you want them to have.
“I do think about my little boy. I saw him with friends on a video that his other family sent me. He was laughing and it kind of shook my insides thinking that I had considered abortion and now look at how happy he is and how happy they are. And it was like I gave the world a gift.”
— Bethany, Utah birth mother
Do I Have to Decide Right Now?
No. You can call Heart to Heart Adoptions and just talk. Wendy and Michelle take turns answering the phones. They pick up night and day. If one of them doesn’t answer, they may be talking with another woman, but they will call you as soon as they can. They have talked to hundreds of women who are wondering what to do and what is best for their future and the future of the baby.
When you call you are collecting information and understanding your situation better. These are two of the kindest women you will ever meet. They want what is best for you and your baby.
You do not have to make any decision. Many women call because they are scared and pregnant and need to hear a calm voice, not because they have decided on adoption. Some of those women choose adoption. Some decide to parent. You are not locked into anything by calling.
“I used to have to work every weekend. And on Sunday night I’d be so tired I couldn’t sleep and I’d call Michelle. I kept thinking that she’d get tired of me and just say to call when I’d actually decided on something. But she never did. I had to quit work in the couple months and that’s when I finally felt okay about saying I’ll get the forms to fill out.”
— Laura, Utah birth mother
What Do I Actually Get to Decide in a Utah Adoption?
More than most women realize. In Utah, you decide:
- Which family raises your baby. You look at profiles and you choose.
- What kind of relationship you will have with the adoptive parents and consequently what kind of relationship you will have with your child. Adoption does not mean co-parenting, but it can mean an open relationship. The relationship can be message, videos, pictures. Some parents meet for birthdays and other events. Some don’t want that much contact, but just want to know the child is safe.
- What your hospital stay looks like. You might want your case manager from Heart to Heart Adoptions to be with you. Maybe you have developed a relationship already with the adoptive family and you want them to come to the hospital. Maybe you just want to be left alone with your baby. All that is your decision.
- Whether to do open, semi-open, or closed adoption.
When you are ready to sign consent papers. In Utah, you cannot sign until at least 24 hours after your baby is born, and not while you are still in the delivery room.
No one at Heart to Heart will pressure you on any of these things. These are your decisions.
“Haley talked to me and asked me a lot of questions about what kind of family I could picture raising my little girl. I really wanted someone that wasn’t just practicing on my baby and had raised at least one other kid and I also wanted my daughter to have someone to play with and hang out with. She sent me six family files to look at their pictures and read about them. When I saw Andy and Tami I like knew. Like they were my people.”
— Utah birth mother
What Is the Difference Between Open, Semi-Open, and Closed Adoption in Utah?
Open adoption means you and the adoptive family have an agreement that you’ll stay in contact. This can be different for every family and it usually changes overtime. Some women don’t want a lot of contact at first because they want to get back to their lives. And then later they decide they want to get more updates. Other women are just the opposite. They want daily messages at first and then feel better as time goes on. You get to decide what you think is right for you.
Semi-open adoption means contact goes through the agency. You get updates about your child, but the family does not have your direct contact information. This gives you privacy while still keeping you connected.
Closed adoption means no ongoing contact after placement. This is less common today. If you are thinking about closed adoption, your counselor will talk through all your reasons with you. There is no judgment either way.
In Utah, we help you communicate with the adoptive family what you feel is best for you. This is done before the adoption is finalized and we help both parties keep their agreement.
In Utah, open adoption agreements can be made part of the final court order, which makes them legally enforceable. Your independent attorney will explain this to you before you sign anything.
Will I Know Where My Baby Is?
In an open or semi-open adoption, yes. You will know the family, and depending on your agreement, you may get regular updates, photos, and even visits.
In a closed adoption, you will not have identifying information about where your child lives. However, Utah law allows adult adoptees to access their original birth certificate when they turn 18. Your child will always have a legal path back to information about you when they are grown, if they choose to look.
Does Adoption Cost Me Anything?
No. Adoption is always free for birth mothers. There are no fees, no hidden costs, and nothing to pay back.
You can also receive help with pregnancy-related expenses while you are considering adoption. This can include help with rent, utilities, food, transportation to medical appointments, and maternity clothing. If you decide not to place your baby, you do not owe any of that back.
What If I Am Not Sure Adoption Is Right for Me?
That is a completely normal place to be. You do not have to be sure to reach out. Your counselor’s job is not to talk you into adoption. It is to give you a calm, judgment-free space to think out loud and figure out what you actually want for your baby and for yourself.
Some women who call Heart to Heart decide to parent. That is a good outcome too. The goal is always what is best for you and your baby, not what is best for the agency.
What Happens at the Hospital When You Place a Baby for Adoption?
This is your hospital stay. You are the patient. You make the decisions.
In Utah, we help you communicate with the adoptive family what you feel is best for you. This is done before the adoption is finalized and we help both parties keep their agreement.
In Utah, open adoption agreements can be made part of the final court order, which makes them legally enforceable. Your independent attorney will explain this to you before you sign anything.
What Happens After the Adoption Is Final?
The legal finalization usually happens three to six months after placement, while your baby is already home with the adoptive family. You do not have to go to court.
After that, what happens depends on the plan you made. If you chose open adoption, contact with the family continues per your agreement. If you chose closed adoption, Heart to Heart is still available to you for post-placement counseling for as long as you need it. Your case does not close when the paperwork is signed.
Grief after adoption is real and normal. It does not mean you made the wrong decision. Heart to Heart counselors are specifically trained to support birth mothers through this.
Will My Baby Know They Were Adopted?
Most adoptive families today are open with their children about being adopted. In an open adoption, your child will grow up knowing who you are and knowing that you loved them. In a closed adoption, most families still tell their children they were adopted, even if identifying details about you stay private.
You can write a letter to your child to be kept in their file and shared with them when they are older. Many birth mothers find this meaningful.
Is Heart to Heart Adoptions Licensed in Utah?
Yes. Heart to Heart Adoptions is a licensed nonprofit adoption agency in Utah. Our license number is F23-99563. We have been serving Utah birth mothers for more than 25 years. You can verify our license through the Utah Department of Human Services.
The fact that we maintain an adoption license in Utah means that we are subject to regulations, auditing and must maintain standards established by the legal system within Utah. These standards include how we treat birth mothers who are the most important people in our organization. There are standards for how we screen adoptive families. We strive to reach the highest level of standards.
More About Utah Adoption
How to Choose an Adoptive Family for Your Baby in Utah
Understand the matching process from the birth mother’s perspective.
Click here. ➔
Utah Adoption Laws and Birth Mother Rights
Know the legal framework that governs every Utah adoption.
Click here. ➔
Utah Adoption Stories — Real Decisions, Real Families
Read real stories from Utah birth mothers who chose Heart to Heart.
Read more. ➔
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